January 2012
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I wished some of my followers watched the X-Files so I could talk to you about it
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This girl in my grade posts pictures of alcohol on Facebook and her caption is “BYO we’re thirsty ;)” and I’m like are you dumb alcohol is a diuretic, it stops the kidneys from absorbing water, which consequently makes you pee and become dehydrated. Don’t lie - you stole some beer cans from the fridge, posted a picture of it and pretended like you’re some cool...
In class: 1+1=2
Exercises: 1+2+1=4
Test: John buys 4 oranges. He eats one and gives another to Ted. Calculate the sun's mass.
You know when your parents are talking about how life was like back in the 60’s and 70’s and you’re like, “Yeah, OK mum.” because it’s just so hard to wrap your head around the fact that things like iPhones didn’t exist? Isn’t it bizarre that in sixty years when our generation are old and hard of hearing we’ll be telling our grandchildren the...
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I can just imagine Michael Fassbender sitting at the back of ballroom drinking his champagne and saying - “I have a bigger penis than all of you.”